Christmas: Navigating Boundaries and Drama with Family

From Mimosas to Mayhem: Navigating the Family Drama Express on Christmas

Christmas at our place was a festive fiesta! We hosted my wife’s longtime friend, my mother, and my two grown-up Children. The hustle was real as my wife and I went into overdrive to have everything picture-perfect by 1 o’clock. Picture this: a cozy fireplace, a purring cat (courtesy of YouTube magic), and the sweet sounds of my handpicked Christmas playlist setting the vibe. The glow of two Christmas trees lit up different corners of our home, casting that magical holiday aura. Oh, and let’s not forget the pièce de résistance – a delectable charcuterie spread and a sourdough loaf oozing with melted brie and garlic butter. We put in the work to create the perfect backdrop for a delightful day. 🎄✨

Mom was the trendsetter, arriving first and kicking things off with some good ol’ catching up and a round of mimosas. As I put the finishing touches on the appetizers and charcuterie plates, the vibe was nothing short of perfect. The kiddos rolled in, diving into the food frenzy, and we dived into the gift exchange ritual. It was pure holiday bliss. Especially with my youngest, who had flown in from across the country this week. Haven’t laid eyes on them in about a year, so you can imagine the mix of excitement and nerves as we geared up for some serious catching up. 🥂🎁

Photo by Simon Berger on Pexels.com

Just when the festive vibe was hitting its peak with the arrival of my wife’s friend, we hit a sudden turbulence. Out of the blue, my youngest launched into a rant about Israel – a topic that no one had even brought up. The same fiery discourse from a recent text conversation resurfaced, targeting the free market society and Israel. Adding fuel to the flames, my oldest child threw in affirming comments, and before we knew it, things were spiraling out of control. Rather than diving into a debate with their somewhat naive statements, I opted for damage control and kindly suggested we steer clear of this heavy topic on Christmas. Well, that didn’t sit well with my youngest, who escalated things by shouting about Israel creating a holocaust. In a dramatic exit, they stormed off to sit in their car, declaring they’d find someone else to chat with about it. The holiday cheer took an unexpected detour. 🎄🔥

Throughout dinner, my youngest decided to camp out in their car, leaving the dining room drama-free. My oldest, wisely, chose to drop the contentious topic, allowing us to enjoy a rather peaceful feast. Unlike my youngest, my oldest doesn’t get as emotionally charged about such discussions. However, the evening did unveil a surprise revelation – my oldest has had an online sweetheart since last May. It caught me off guard because, even though we talk regularly, my oldest doesn’t typically volunteer personal information. I usually have to play detective with my questions to get beyond the surface. This time, though, we delved into the story of how they met this significant other online, shared a few laughs about their mutual friends, and found out she’s planning to visit in January. Fingers crossed for a smooth meet-and-greet! 🌟💑

Interestingly, my oldest didn’t spill the beans about getting the boot from their job. I caught wind of it through the grapevine but played it cool, not letting on that I knew. No need to add any awkwardness to the holiday mix. They didn’t broach the subject either, and I figured, hey, they’ll spill the beans when they’re ready. Getting the ax, especially right before Christmas, must be a double whammy – two punches to the gut instead of one. I’ll let them take the lead on discussing it whenever they feel up to it. 🤐💼

Boundary Battle: Traversing the Turbulent Terrain of Family Relations

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brené Brown

Here’s the scoop: my first gripe revolves around getting my kids to play nice with boundaries. We already had a showdown about the whole Hamas-Israel ordeal via text before my youngest headed over for Christmas. I explicitly asked them to steer clear of the topic. I asked them to zip it if they couldn’t handle the facts or answer my questions. Lo and behold, they ignored the memo and dove right into it almost as soon as they walked in the door. Boundaries, people, boundaries! 🚫🌐

When the touchy subject resurfaced, I made another attempt to lay down the law and reestablish those boundaries. I politely asked them to give it a rest on Christmas – you know, the day of good vibes and festive cheer. Well, they didn’t take kindly to that request. Instead, they unleashed a disrespectful tirade in my own house, totally disregarding the time and effort my wife had poured into making it a pleasant day. And just when you thought it couldn’t get more dramatic, they switched gears to emotional blackmail, deciding to bail on the rest of the evening. Now, they’re dragging my wife and the other guests into this whole messy affair, turning what was supposed to be a jolly time into an awkward ordeal for everyone involved. Their toxic antics have a ripple effect, and it’s like they’re completely oblivious to the chaos they’re causing. 🎄🤦‍♂️

“Boundaries need to be communicated first verbally and then with actions.” – Henry Cloud

Adding to the chaos of zero boundaries and turning a simple family spat into a full-blown public spectacle, my kids seem to have this odd belief that they’re entitled to drag me onto their crazy train of nonsense. I’ve got no power over their actions and flair for drama, but they’re on this wild ride thinking it’s cool to use emotional blackmail or expect me to trail along like a lemming. I get it—I can’t micromanage what they believe, but I can at least drop some knowledge and nudge them in the right direction. They, on the other hand, think they’ve got the upper hand, using emotional manipulation as their weapon of choice. Not exactly the physical force of lemming herding, but it sure feels like an emotional tug-of-war. 🎭🤷‍♂️

“Families living in dysfunction seldom have healthy boundaries. Dysfunctional families have trouble knowing where they stop and others begin.” – David W. Earle

In a quest to bridge the communication gap with my youngest, I’m thinking of roping in a counselor for some expert intervention. Fingers crossed for a sprinkle of hope! But, here’s the hitch—I know that counselor’s gonna come in with the boundary talk. I’ve been down this road before with my ex-wife, seeking counseling with dreams of boundary-setting bliss. Spoiler alert: it didn’t quite pan out. I vividly remember those cringe-worthy moments in the counselor’s office when my ex-wife would blatantly ignore the boundaries, and when the counselor dared to call her out, she went full-on yelling mode. Let’s just say it wasn’t the magic fix we were hoping for. And now, as I consider this new counseling adventure, that little history lesson has me on edge. 🤞💔

Note that this post involves two of my children. While I used the pronouns they, them, and their, I was primarily referring to one of them. Both of them are transgender, so the intentional use of plural pronouns may lead to some confusion if you’re not aware of the context.